And if there’s one thing parents of young children know, it’s that taking care of yourself can often take a back seat — way in the back of the minivan — to caring for your kids and juggling work and home duties. But if you’re a parent who has a chronic condition such as psoriatic arthritis, an inflammatory disease that causes stiff, swollen, and painful joints, a critical part of managing your disease is prioritizing ways to stay healthy.
Why Parenting and Psoriatic Arthritis Are a Tricky Combination
The best way to sum up what it means to be a parent of young kids while managing psoriatic arthritis is something like this: Being a parent can make it tougher to manage psoriatic arthritis symptoms, and having psoriatic arthritis symptoms can make it more challenging to parent kids, especially if you experience:
FatigueStiffness, swelling, pain, and inflammation in joints such as those of the fingers, toes, knees, neck, or spinePainful swelling of an entire finger or toe (called dactylitis)Inflammation, pain, and swelling of one or more entheses, which are areas of the body where tendon or ligament connects with bone (such as the back of the heel or bottom of the foot)Pain and stiffness in the lower backReduced range of motion and morning stiffness in the affected areas
If your condition is not well-managed or is severe, you may have increased risk for these complications:
Increasing difficulty moving joints and disability (due to damage to the lining that covers the cartilage at the ends of bones in a joint and the bones themselves)Eye problems such as pink eye or uveitis (inflammation of the eye that causes redness, irritation, and impaired vision)Gastrointestinal problems such as diarrhea and bloatingShortness of breathDamage to blood vessels and the heart muscleOsteoporosisIncreased risk of metabolic syndrome (conditions such as high blood pressure, elevated blood sugar, and excess abdominal fat that increase your risk of heart disease, stroke, and type 2 diabetes)
According to the American College of Rheumatology, psoriatic arthritis can affect any joint in the body, and may affect just one joint or multiple joints. Psoriatic arthritis is also a chronic condition in which your symptoms may come and go. It’s common for people to experience flares, which are periods of increased inflammation and worsening of other symptoms that can last for days or months, according to the Arthritis Foundation. If you’re a parent, this means that you may sometimes experience periods of reduced ability when you can’t do the things you’d like to do with your kids. So for example, you may not be able to braid your child’s hair, kick around a soccer ball or go biking, or just pick them up, depending on which joints are affected, how severe your disease is, and whether or not you’re experiencing a flare.
Smart Ways to Work Around Your Psoriatic Arthritis Flares
While it’s true that you may encounter limitations due to your condition, it’s important to keep in mind that you can manage your symptoms by working with your doctor to find a treatment that’s right for you. Also remember that flares are temporary, and that there are ways to adjust your activities and routines to connect with your child in different ways when you can’t do the things you normally do. Here are some great strategies for parenting with psoriatic arthritis: Accept your situation and reject the guilt. First, accept the fact that with psoriatic arthritis, there are going to be times when you will have to acknowledge that the situation doesn’t reflect on you as a person, says Deeba Minhas, MD, a rheumatologist at Michigan Medicine at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. People can get caught up in the parent guilt, says Dr. Minhas. “They think, ‘I have to do this or I won’t be a good mom or dad’ and it’s just not true,” she notes. First, she advises, accept the situation and then banish any guilty thoughts that creep in. “Say to yourself, ‘These are the cards I was given, and I’m going to make the best of the situation,’” says Minhas. Learn to prioritize. If you have fatigue, you need to make sure that the things you’re spending time doing are meaningful and important to you, says Minhas. That might mean saying no to a lot of things that don’t give you happiness and prioritizing things that add value to your life. Give your child information and reassurance. Kids tend to be egocentric in their thinking, so if a parent says no to an activity, they may conclude that mom or dad doesn’t want to be with them, says Minhas. “I’ve written some scripts with patients to help them talk to their kids,” she says. “You can say something like, I want to do things with you but I can’t because I have arthritis, which means I only have a certain amount of energy during the day.” You can then ask your child to pick some alternate activities to do together and enlist their help with a chore or something else you need to do. Say something like, “Maybe you can help me so I can save some energy for doing more fun things with you,” suggests Minha. Even when kids are very young, they sense what’s going on, says Minhas. They just want to spend time with mom or dad. “If you make mindful time for them when they know that they have your full, complete attention, whether it’s coloring or reading books or just sitting outside together, that’s what they’re going to remember,” says Minhas. Put joy, fun, and health into cooking and eating. A lot of frustration with fatigue and pain is that we feel like these are not in our control, says Minhas. One thing that you can definitely control is your diet. “There is amazingly strong data about how your diet affects disease activity,” says Minhas. According to the Arthritis Foundation, eating a healthy, balanced diet that’s high in fruits and vegetables and low in sugar, fat, and salt has been shown to be helpful in controlling inflammation and weight, which can be beneficial for people with psoriatic arthritis. Eating right can be especially difficult for busy parents. (How many of us have gobbled up leftover pizza crusts or bites of mac and cheese off our kids’ plates and called it a meal?) But inflammation is affected by food, says Minhas. A study in mice published in February 2018 in PLOS ONE even found that a high fat diet was associated with hyperalgesia, which is an abnormally high sensitivity to pain. Cooking can be a challenge when you’re dealing with fatigue or painful joints. So, enlist your children for help in the kitchen. Make cooking something healthy together a family activity, suggests Minhas. “Kids get really excited about following a recipe,” she notes. It’s a great way to both spend time with your children and create a healthy dish for the whole family. Make sleep a priority. You wouldn’t let your kids skimp on sleep — so do the same thing for yourself. “Sleep is the most important but also the most undervalued thing in our society,” says Minhas. Adequate sleep is associated with having less pain, anxiety, and fatigue, she notes. If you have trouble falling asleep, look for sleep apps or stream soothing music — anything that helps you relax. Exercise. To combat morning stiffness, Minhas suggests that her patients do some stretches in in the morning, even before they get out of bed. Starting the day with a couple minutes of stretching can help decrease pain and lubricate the joints and is a simple way to start doing some kind of activity. “People are deterred by the word ‘exercise’ and assume you have to go to the gym,” says Minhas. It’s true that it can be hard to find time to fit in exercise when you’re busy with your children. But you can start very small, such as by using a smart-phone or pedometer to track steps you take in a day. Get your children involved, too! Go for a walk together, dance around the house to their favorite music, or teach them a few stretches to do along with you. The main message to keep in mind is that there are ways to make sure you focus on your health while also giving your kids the time and attention they need. And staying healthy not only helps you control your psoriatic arthritis, but also sets a great example for your children. “All of these things we tend to neglect or not make a priority are the backbone of our health,” says Minhas. “And for parents, healthy habits are something we want to model for our kids.”
