“Because I’m deeply accustomed to navigating straight, cisgender spaces, this silent code-switching has been something I’ve done almost automatically — but not without a cost,” explains Kalapa, who is a queer, nonbinary Yoga Alliance–certified Iyengar yoga teacher based in Albuquerque, New Mexico. “It takes energy and attention, and can be vulnerable, and tiring.” Often, that feeling will cause potential yogis to turn away from the practice. Instead, Kalapa dug in. They began their yoga journey in 1999. Kalapa was then part of a community that was into drugs and sex work. “Yoga opened the door to heal from shame, reclaim my power, and build self-acceptance,” they explain. Retrospectively, Kalapa says they’ve realized yoga helped them cope with then undiagnosed attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). “Yoga changed my life.” Kalapa started working as a full-time yoga teacher in 2005 after earning their teaching certification. They have traveled twice to India to study yoga. And throughout all of that, they have worked to bring together the two worlds of LGBTQ+ community activism and professional yoga. Now Kalapa wants to help ensure that folks who don’t feel welcome in traditional yoga studios have other outlets. Their workshops, retreats, and classes focus on affirming yoga designed for “queers, trans folks, nonconformists, and change makers,” according to their website. Over Zoom, Kalapa offers four weekly yoga classes and private sessions, as well as downloadable online workshops. “I really want my community to have access to these beautiful, precious, life-changing teachings,” says Kalapa. “I want to affirm that yoga is a place for everyone.” Today, Kalapa says they can’t imagine life without yoga. And yes, it’s an essential part of their self-care routine. Kalapa hopes that their gender-affirming yoga classes provide a space for others to practice self-care, too. Here’s how Kalapa says they define self-care — and why gender-affirming yoga is part of it. Everyday Health: What is gender-affirming yoga? Avery Kalapa: It’s a word I made up. I felt a lot of discord between the yoga communities I was part of and my queer community. We’ve come a long way in terms of people being accepting around sexualities, but it’s a whole other thing to be gender-nonconforming, nonbinary, or trans in a yoga space. There’s a lot more [of a] barrier that this group of people commonly encounter in yoga classes and other public settings that can send a clear message that they do not belong, are not welcome, and are possibly not even physically safe. Examples include being misgendered; dealing with other people staring, asking intrusive questions, or exhibiting awkward behavior; being told they are in the wrong bathroom; hearing teachers impose gendered language on poses or body parts; worrying if they will be read as trans and if that puts them at risk of physical violence; wondering who in the room is transphobic or an ally; or wondering if they are the only one and who may help them if something violent does happen. Gender-affirming yoga isn’t that different from what’s happening in other classes. But there is a real specific intent that it’s not going to be a space where the harms of binary gender social conditioning are replicated. They provide a space that welcomes and celebrates people being their full selves, and acknowledges that the world is not a place where many of us can just be our full selves. Just being in the world can feel like an assault — there are so many messages constantly that tell you there’s something wrong with you, or you don’t belong. It’s exhausting. What would it feel like to put down some of that armor, and the tension and stress of navigating all that? What would it feel like be able to be at home in our own body? That, to me, is what gender-affirming yoga is about. RELATED: Here’s How Yoga Benefits Your Health and Well-Being EH: What does the term “self-care” mean to you? AK: Self-care is making space to live your life — not to be working all the time, or trying to prove that you’re worthy of being on the planet. Self-care is often sold as this fluffy, fun, luxurious thing, like bubble baths and chocolate — and that’s great. I love baths and chocolate. But sometimes, self-care might not look so glamorous. It might look like getting your finances in order, so that you don’t have anxiety and debt. Or it might look like learning how to set boundaries or heal some trauma. It might look like going to therapy that might be really uncomfortable and confrontational, but will ultimately help you move forward with more freedom and sovereignty. I think for people who hold a marginalized identity, self-care is intricately connected and inseparable from community care. I don’t think we can practice self-care on our own little solo island. There’s an essential component of self-care that involves reciprocation, being seen, being loved, having someone cherish you, and doing all of those things in return. EH: How do you practice self-care — and is yoga part of it? AK: For me, daily practice of yoga and meditation is self-care. It’s connected to my ability to show up for others, for my kids and my partner and all the people in my community that I’m committed to. And it’s also something that is completely beyond that — it’s a very deep, intimate date for my soul and the expansive universe around me. My yoga practice has been one of the deepest places of refuge. It’s my best medicine for dealing with dysphoria. It’s just essential. I can’t imagine my life without a yoga practice. RELATED: How to Start a Self-Care Routine You’ll Follow EH: Do you ever struggle with self-care, and in what ways? AK: Absolutely. I often struggle when it comes to getting enough rest — I tend to overdo and overwork. It’s a feeling that I have to constantly overdo to prove that I belong here. Sometimes it takes discipline when it comes to self-care. It can be hard to practice yoga, for example. Sometimes it’s fun and feels good, but a lot of times, it might be a little uncomfortable or take effort — and, of course, time. However, we can recognize that the process of carving out time and continuing to show up for practice is part of the practice. Yoga teaches us that freedom and discipline are two sides of one coin. What if making time for yoga was a way to affirm that you are worthy of such care? What if we saw yoga as a gift you give to yourself that affirms you deserve the goodness in life? RELATED: How to Recognize When a Self-Care Practice Is No Longer Self-Care EH: How do you prioritize self-care when other things get in the way? AK: I find having accountability buddies can be a huge help, as well as naming your intentions (either out loud or in your head): “Hey, I’m going to do this thing.” And then at the end of the day, we check in and can say, “All right, I did the thing.” Acknowledging what it took to show up, and celebrating when we do follow through on an intention (such as a yoga practice commitment), can be a great help. It helps us build up a positive association with practice. It’s important to recognize that sometimes self-care means breaking a pattern. Self-care can be reclaiming some agency around what you are prioritizing, and why. Take an honest look at how you’re spending the time in your day. Do you deny yourself rest, exercise, time for yoga, or time in nature because you’re always prioritizing work, productivity, or taking care of others? Looking at the deeper stories we’re telling ourselves [about not having time to practice self-care], and then finding ways to get support to work around them, is a really good and helpful practice. RELATED: Why Time Off Is So Good for Your Health EH: What if setting a boundary around the time you give to work, or your kids, or your partner allowed you to not only find new ways to carve out time for self-care, but helped you feel better about who you are? What excuses does your mind come up with, and how can you get support to work around those barriers? AK: Many of us were raised to think productivity and consumption is where to find happiness, and that self-care is selfish or lazy. But when you’re healthy and happy, everyone around you is uplifted, too. When you prioritize your own rest, self-care, worth, and vibrant authenticity, you affirm everyone around you, too. RELATED: What to Know Before Your First Yoga Class
